so I just showed my mum my results.
It was pitiful, one S, one B, and the rest Us.
what I wasn't afraid of were my results. What I was afraid of was the backlash that would follow once I let the bitch read it.
and obviously, she was disappointed, breaking off into a long story of how I need to identify my problems, how I need to stop blaming the system and everyone else, and what I need to do to improve my results. In essence, I need to buck up.
I don't exactly blame her (okay no actually I blame her for being such a bitch) because our fucking pathetic society has made us believe that education and only education is the way to succeed, and obtaining that degree is the only way to succeed. (rather, the prestige of having a uni graduate and put on the pretentious act of having succeeded. ) the very simple fact that not all uni graduates succeed and not all who get shitty grades and drop out of school fail in life only disproves that misconception. Rather than igniting the passion to learn, MOE only kills that passion, and destroys whatever joy that comes with learning.
back to my point. Lebische broke off into a long speech and I was being nice and cool with it because I needed her to sign it. I was literally drowning in hell and my mind was pounding with arguments to rebutt her with.
finally when I realized that she wasn't gonna relieve me of any of her verbal diarrhea and expected to me to fucking say something about how I need to improve, I decided to rebutt. Fine, if she wants me to say something, I'd give her my honest opinion. When she asked how I am going to improve and get myself into NUS, I said "I don't think NUS is a good school. " and so she asked me where would I study and I curtly said, "I wanna study overseas, and I can tell from your body posture that you're not planning to listen. If you're not gonna sign it , then thanks. " I left the room with my result slip and kept it in my file. (I mean seriously, she was lying down on the bed, arms crossed, obviously not giving a heck to whatever I was saying)
obviously whatever I did was simply an invitation to anger. She flared up and ran over to my father and wanted to complain. And before she could actually say how lousy and terribly myresults were, my father asked, "terrible?" as if he was expecting it.
Wow. As if I had no ears. As if I had a selective listening ability. As if I was deaf. the most cruel and despicable thing that any parent can do is to undermine their child's ability and potential, and to bring him/her down. Unfortunately, both my parents were guilty of that.
my parents don't question MOE and its policies(probably because they have lost touch of it and have not been in contact with it for so long) and refused to let me explore with alternatives, and I hate them for it.

(and I hate how parents assume its so fucking easy to study when you already have so little subjects. If it is so easy, then YOU DO IT.
and if you're not gonna fucking sign it, then fucking say so. Don't waste any of my or your time, and don't fucking blame me for expressing my honest opinions. You won't listen anyway so what's the fucking use?

and I wish I could hand in the result slip empty and when my teacher asks me why, I'd say truthfully my parents refused to sign. If the school actually phones my parents, I really wonder what they're gonna say. )