I had such a weird ass dream from the sleep just now omg.

So me and my bunk mates were hanging around and sitting at some steps. Then suddenly my mum and my primary school math teacher Mdm Tan (and a few other primary school teachers was there?!) appeared there as well, sitting on the steps and talking about me.my mum said  about how worried she was for me and like other stuff and me being the child that I was just stood there listening on to the conversation and just smiled meekly and stuff like that. Like you know when you were kids, and adults were talking about you, you just kind of stood there awkwardly and smiled at them and said nothing. Just like that. Yeah she said how worried she was for me in NS and stuff and like she suddenly whispered something into Mdm Tan's ear. Then I was like what? Then I suddenly knew what they were talking about. (?! Wtf) like sergeant Matthew (he's the duty sergeant for today) told my mum that I could ooc and get out of mortar and go become a lifeguard (wtf) Which isn't as taxing, and she's worried whether I could cope but she still didn't agree to that. Then I told my Bro (who suddenly appeared beside me) that I wouldn't have minded such a choice... Then suddenly the teachers and my mum started to leave and it became some sort of school grounds, many teachers and students around but the classroom was our bunk?! Wtf.

Then I suddenly caught 李捷老师 (my sec one sec two Chinese teacher) talking to a group of my bunk mates on the steps and as she walked back to the staff room or something, I walked up to her and greeted her "李老师好！" she looked at me, her face quite heavily made up. She seems to recognize me but she put on a Stern face. And she started saying/mumbling something inaudible which I couldn't understand or hear. I thought she didn't recognize so I said 李老师还记得我吗？ but she continued mumbling something for very long and I just stood there with a question mark in my mind. Finally she said something which I caught "... 没做作业..." before she started walking away but still looking back at me.  So I said in defense (sort of) 作业有做呀！ but she still looked at me with that pokerface, walking away and disappearing amongst the crowd. So I was left there disappointed that she didn't really talk to me and we didn't even have an actual conversation. But I was like oh well. And the dream ended.

I know I've sort of disappointed her before in school and stuff but argh why does my brain have to do this to me. Cos it ended on such a bad note. I know it isn't real but... Gah. :/

We had games today and while resting, I saw a bee landing on a bag and kept flying off and landing on the same bag, as if to pollinate it or something.

I suddenly thought of either a dream or a memory a long time ago. I remember it was in primary school and how someone placed his bag on a red ant hill and so many red ants were crawling all over his bag and I remember being grossed out.

Funny how the brain works. How I could suddenly recall something that's not worth remembering.

I just had a two hour nap, because today was such a slack day and sleeping it away makes it pass faster and closer to book out day and there wasn't anything to do (actually I could read my book but am I actually motivated and emotionally stable  enough to enrich myself intellectually? I THINK NOT.)

Nah I think sleeping actually makes me calm and sort of numbs my emotions which is good in a way. I feel so rested and light like my mind is floating around. I wonder if I sleep too much and whether I can fall asleep tonight. >__>

Oh great lord.

I read through some of my posts from years ago and I'm so... different now.

Now that I don't often meet my friends, and hence the lack of interaction with them, I realize much of my humour in my posts and and in my current life is negligible. Being with my friends removes the mask I put on now almost everyday. I feel like I could finally breathe every time I go out with them.

It's kinda depressing, no?

I just can't click with my bunk mates.

It isn't anyone's fault. Although some of my bunk mates just annoy me to no fucking end.

/Slits wrists /

I wish everything would end

Let me document what I've done over this long weekend.
Friday: went out with Tsiyuan to school and collected our certificate
Saturday: went to the zoo with Ngiam and Tiffany. Then watched the full dress rehearsal of SEA games opening ceremony with my parents.
Sunday : did I even go out? I think I stayed home the entire day
Mondsy:Vesak day;went to pray.

It's way past my lights out timing.

I feel dead.
feeling a whole barrage of emotions.
I feel sick and queasy. My limbs feel weak.
I can't sleep.
The book in syndrome.

I'll write what happened in detail for the events above tomorrow or something if I have time