Gotten back my lit grades, and to be truthful, I am not satisfied with whatever I've gotten though I concede I wrote horrible essays.

nah I didn't actually emerge a victor when the CTs (or as my school likes to call it: "Prelims I") ended. I ended up more like half-beaten, half-dead; physically, mentally. The full length papers took a toll on me and drained out all of my energy, and I could assure you that that thing I call my brain wasn't even working at its full capacity (it never did) during this CT period. Imagine what was left of it. Probably this gooey mushy mixture of brain juices contained within this wrinkly intertwined layers of membranes, working as hard as it could to work this zombie-like body and squeezing out what was left of it to sustain my basic locomotive actions. Pfft. I'm just exaggerating. no but seriously

And as with all past experiences of prepping for tests and exams alike, I'm horribly unprepared for any subjects at all. Yeah you may say no one is ever prepared, but I can safely say that everyone, and anyone, is more prepared than I am, that's for sure.

It doesn't help that the revelation kicks in that A levels are 100+ days away after the Prelims ended and you have no freaking mood to study. What the hell is this? SOME KIND OF A CRUEL JOKE? Nah, I'm not in for this madness, I need to celebrate no matter how hard I fail this time round. And then the panic attack happens whenever I realize how little time left there is. When I panic, I really do.

But that doesn't mean the panic, the pressure and the stress I experience manifests into something productive. I slowly creep back into my unholy habits again, putting whatever was of importance aside. I truly hold on to this almighty principle: out of sight, out of mind. (And its not as if I deliberately put it off, my mind automatically does it. oh gosh. )

Beauty was about uniformity; the colours should fall into places where they belong. It was easy to follow the rules. The child is praised for painting his skies blue, and his grass green. There was something reassuring about conformity. He was made to believe that this was the formula to the world’s approval, but no-one has ever revealed the harsh cruelties of a competitive reality that would rid him of all purity. It was the purity and innocence that once spurred his ever-growing enthusiasm to create. Slowly, silently, and eventually – it had to be killed. One day, he would wake up and quietly accept that he is no longer that hero who would change the world.
We have all been lied to since the day we arrived into the world. We are all victims of robbery. We have been stripped of our imaginative minds, we have been stripped of our dreams. But that is why people strive to fight, because they want to claim for a made-believe world that they once grew up in.
I am but just a drop of water in the sea. The woes of mine are nothing compared to the rest of the world. Sometimes I question my purpose in this world, and other times I see the universe’s existence as a question itself. It has never occurred to me that one day I would have to die and leave my conscious state of mind.
That thought alone worries me.

Source

This perfectly sums up what I feel about everything I've experienced pertaining to education and being educated, in Singapore. The author expressed in a simple, concise manner whatever I wanted to but could not have done so. (probably due to my poor English)

damn.

I realize I have been neglecting the needs for my aural enjoyment, and distancing myself with good music (or at least I consider them to be) for doing shit like schoolwork.
Funny how I just chance upon them on YouTube through the 'suggestions' section and fall in love almost immediately. It's even funnier how I start to dislike them when I listen them on the iPhone. Pfft. Gah perhaps the atmosphere and the mood I'm in matters.

Anyhow,  I'm really out of touch with music I really like. Foster the People, Walk the Moon and more recently Moldy Peaches (through Juno's OST). I watched this really interesting MV but DAMN I forgot the song name! argh shit.  Resourceful me actually found that MV with a simple search on Google. Ok Go's The Writing's On the Wall.

Went to Koh's Grill and Sushi Bar at Wisma Atria with Jiawin. Finally fulfilled my Shiok Maki desire! :> The fried salmon skin and garlic fried rice was cheap and really good. Next was the Shiok Maki. It was honestly honestly honestly worth the wait (even though it took about maybe 20-30 minutes after we've finished our salmon skin and fried rice). The delightful combination of the unagi, the charred surface, the roes, and the mentaiko was ABSOLUTELY HEAVENLY and left me craving for more. Most of the time for most eating places, I probably wouldn't try it a second time. BUT FOR THIS I WOULD MAKE AN EXCEPTION AND COME BACK FOR MORE, like the 2nd version of Shiok Maki, and this crappy maki (according to the menu). Oh gosh my stomach is grumbling now

Remember this?


Made popular by Smashmouth for Shrek.
 And look, how retro this song actually is. (The original singer was Neil Diamond)

I am kind of in no mood to study for my last paper, which is history. I've already started to celebrated and I couldn't wait for today's Lit paper to end (it was absolutely horrible). argh its really hard to settle down to study (like I've ever done that)
I really feel like deleting this blog. I don't know.

I should be getting excited for Sunyanzi's concert tomorrow. I'm really insane for going to a concert before my prelims actually end. Ahhhh I still haven't learned and remembered the lyrics gah.. It really sucks to not know the lyrics when you're at the concert and you wanna be high and you can't because of your inability disability.