I need more practice. 

And I should really award myself something because I've done nothing productive for today. I'm so annoyed with myself argh CHOO GET A GRIP

So I was reminiscing about Yanzi's concert and watching some videos I recorded on my phone. 

(FYI: this is the concert in Taiwan. Singapore's could never be as energetic and its really hard to find a decent video on YT for the concert in Singapore [in the midst of hunting, I actually chanced upon Justin Xiong's YT acc when he commented on one of the vids. Eww does it mean he went for Yanzi's concert too wtf])

I remember I was standing and waving the iPhone with the light on, and singing along to this particular song. I really like Yanzi's old songs because they remind me of my childhood and how much I've grown since then. (I sound old.) Every time I listen to them, there's just this intangible nostalgic pinch deep down in my heart and a strong yearning for what was then and before; for what was bitter and sweet.

終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔

And it was at this particular line (the third line of the song) where

BAM: a faint connection was made.

Rivulets of tears were streaming down my cheeks and my lips would not stop vibrating.
I simply couldn't help it. And I don't even know why because I've always felt that 我懷念的 was an even sadder song than this and yet I didn't even tear for that?

And it was just the beginning of the song.

I really wish she could hold another concert again and I would attend it and cry buckets and buckets over and over. I can't explain why I have sadistic tendencies to put myself through such an emotional rollercoaster, but I do enjoy it. It brings me back to the past.

我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有 陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候

These are two other lines that struck me as well and equally heart-wrenching. It really is the ultimate love break-up/sad-story kind of song. Its so tragic to the point of being suicidal; I mean, how could anyone have written lyrics like these?

Pfft, you could deduce that its because of random things like these(eg. searching for songs and reminiscing concert moments and attempting to write this out at 2am even when I have unfinished work) that I do that render me unproductive. But nah uh, this ain't unproductive yo. Its called reliving moments, and giving me a reason to live.

---

Here are the full song lyrics in case you're too lazy to conduct a Google search:

又站在你家的門口 我們重複沉默
這樣子單方面的守候 還能多久

終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔
雖然你還握著我的手 但我已不在 你心中

我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有 陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候
別再看著我說著你愛過 別太傷痛
我不難過 這不算什麼 只是為什麼眼淚會流我也不懂

就讓我走 讓我開始享受自由
回憶很多 你的影子也會充滿我生活
我並不懦弱 你比誰都懂
雖然寂寞 這會是我 最後的寬容

終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔
雖然你還握著我的手 但我已不在 你心中

我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有 陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候
別再看著我說著你愛過 別太傷痛
我不難過 這不算什麼 只是為什麼眼淚會流我也不懂

就讓我走 讓我開始享受自由
回憶很多 你的影子也會充滿我生活
我並不懦弱 你比誰都懂
雖然寂寞 這會是我 最後的寬容

抱緊我 再抱緊我
這一份感動 請你讓我留在胸口
別再說 是你的錯
愛到了盡頭 是非對錯就讓它隨風
忘了所有 過得比你快活

我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有 陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候
別再看著我說著你愛過 別太傷痛
我不難過 這不算什麼 只是為什麼眼淚會流我也不懂

不要再說 或許這是最好的結果
現在分手 總好過你不愛我一拖再拖
鬆開你的手 離開你左右
我向前走 這會是我 真正的解脫